So this will be my last post... for a long time at least.

Spring break 09- I threw up this morning, because of stress? Pain? who knows...

I have decided the rest of this semester will consist of me focusing on school work, working out, God, and sleeping. Self improvement. If I focus on that, maybe everything else will slowly fade away in my mind.

I expect to much from people. I trust too easily. I let people cut me down and eat me alive. It needs to stop, because I am holding on by a thread. I HATE being judged. I am vulnerable. Broken. Yet I have thick skin. I have never been one for drama, I thought I was escaping the drama of everyone knowing your every move when I left my small town. I did escape that, but the drama that comes with where I am now, is more than I can handle. I went from being the "saint" of my town to the "bad influence" in the new one... that hurts. A lot. I used to be a role model to everyone... now? I want to be that person again.

I told myself this semester would be better, that I would make it better, but truth is since I got here it has been spiraling down hill. My new years resolution was to make a best friend at harding. But what happens when your best friend becomes more? I have learned that dating a guy in your same group of friends is just not a good idea. Sucks for me... and for him. Our relationship was so much more complicated than anyone could understand and went deeper than anyone knew. I am beyond sorry for ever believing the impossible could happen... because opposites don't attract... in the long run right?

You are all right about this. I am not over him. I will never be over him. I love him more than anything in this world. BUT the ONLY way i can be with him, is to not be so far away.  I guess love hurts. So maybe I will just stay home this summer, and go to school with him next semester. That seems easiest. That seems like it will make everyone happy. Harrison was right when he told me harding has changed me, for the worse. 

I am NOT writing this to be depressing. I am NOT trying to be overdramatic. I am NOT writing this as some sob story or a cut down to anyone at all. I am writing because I am deeply and truly hurt, I am so so so so so sorry for the trouble I have caused. I promise I am not a bad person. I'm not. I wish you all well. Goodbye.